Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
