just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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