i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
