Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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