it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
