and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
