We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
