Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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