Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
