Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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