Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
