you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
