I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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