We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
