Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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