you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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