you didnt know i had herpes?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.