I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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