butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
