I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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