it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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