names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
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I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
What a dumb baby whore.
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This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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