dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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