Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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