I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
