Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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