What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It's shark week go big or go home
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
