Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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