Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
