I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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