super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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