if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
