I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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