So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
