Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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