Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
