she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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