I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
