dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
