it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
