Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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