You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It's official drugs can't kill me
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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