I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
