i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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