Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
