my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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