Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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