I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
