bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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