Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
