I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
