You don't have asthma, your pregnant
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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