you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Randomize
