...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
