We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
