We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
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We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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