I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
