love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
