When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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