I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
