So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
