so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
