I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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