Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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