By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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