you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??