there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.