look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.