she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
