God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.