UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
