Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
