New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
