Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
