all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
